I think I am ready to retire from my stay-at-home-mom job. If I had an evaluation right now about my stay at home mom duties, I would FAIL every single one of them and be fired from the position. Part of the problem I think, is staying at home requires someone who is highly self motivated and driven. Not me. I hate waking up and not knowing what to do with my day. I fly by the seat of my pants and the only thing that is stable is breakfast, lunch, nap, dinner, and bed time. The rest of my day is used how I want, which for some people would be the best thing in the world. But, I feel like nothing really gets done or done in a timely manner. I need to schedule my day out like Supernanny does. I just don't know where to even start, and then I feel like such a dork planning out each hour exactly what I'm going to do. It would seem like that could get pretty mundane pretty fast.
I was watching some old Jon & Kate's when they lived at the old house, and she just seemed to have her sh*t together, ya know? But she also had to with 8 kids. Maybe that is my problem. Maybe I need 5 more kids to help me. Haha. But she really had things under control and planned out. She was really good at grocery shopping, and had special days when she would spend the day cooking soups for the winter, that kind of stuff.
I have this expectation that as a stay-at-home mom, the house needs to be clean, dinner needs to be done, coupons clipped and grocery shopping done cheaply, bills paid, kids played with, and then I should also have some crafty business on the side so I can work from home while the kids nap and still make money for the household. I can barely manage getting dressed by 11:00am. I know David has pressure to make money for the family and provide, and I feel like it should be my job to spend the money wisely so he doesn't have to worry, but I am failing at that too. It would be easy to cut back on groceries to save money, but I don't know how to. Unless I serve mac and cheese from a box for 5 days, there is no way I could come close to spending $50 a week on groceries.
And I feel like I am letting the kids down, because I have no motivation to play with them. I have been playing cars, trucks, 4-wheelers, hunter, army guy-anything boy related for the last 5 years! I cringe when the kids say "will you play with me?" My kids constantly ask to be played with. I'm not sure if this is the result of playing with them to much or to little. Do your kids ask you to play with them? I love doing certain activites with the boys-reading to them, playing board games, doing crafts, eating lunch with them, and legos. But anything that requires me to pretend that I am an army guy and I can't do it. Not even for 5 min.
And I know it sounds like poor me, and I am grateful I am able to see the boys each and every day, but I am stuck in a rut. Maybe it's the dreary weather, and not being able to go outside. Or maybe I am not cut-out to stay at home anymore.
8 comments:
First of all I see you figured it out, your blog looks great!! Second of all, your not alone I feel the same way!! The only thing I would add is that sometimes I just don't feel like being "Mommy"!! Sometimes I want to be left alone to pee, or to sit down for 5 min's, ya know!! Good luck and if you figure something out, please let us all in on it!!
Slayder plays on his own a great deal of the time. Sometimes I think it is because he hasn't had someone there to play with him constantly and I feel bad for him. I see what you are saying though, dang it would drive me crazy if he constantly needed me to play. If he asks me, which is rarely, I jump at the occasion. Maybe it is the stay at home factor, they expect you to be there to play when they want, they haven't learned to do it on their own yet? Hang in there, you'll get out of the rut and be back to being supermom in no time. I have faith in ya Phoofy:)
Sadie- You are not alone...that is the reason I am trying to do something "crafty"...I feel that I get no "me" time.. I agree with Jessy it would be nice not to have someone follow me to the bathroom every time...lol.
You are a great mom and don't let anyone tell you different...I have felt that I also needed an hour by hour list...but I don't have one. I just make a list of things that have to be done for the week and a list of things I would like to do...in my mind...lol nothing is wrote down so I don't feel bad if I don't get it done.
Do you and Dave get "adult" time? By this I mean do you have friends over, etc...that is my break from all of the stuff I have to do and seems to have kept me out of the rut...but I haven't been doing it as long as you yet :) I have been looking for a job but Rod really wants me to stay at home and will work 3 jobs before he lets me go back. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not. Especially since he is already working 2...I hope you get out of your rut and find your new found energy!
I love, love, love the honesty in your blog and especially in this post!!! We ALL feel like epic failures from time to time. Sometimes, it's ALL the time. It's funny for me (as an outsider) to read this, cuz I always read your blog and think "what an awesome mom she is!" It seems as though you do a lot of things with your kids... projects... that I would NEVER think of doing!!!! We all get down about our situation. The guilt is always there... as a working mom I know it well! Nothing is ever the perfect situation. Everything has it's downside... and I agree, this weather is certainly NOT helping! I am going part-time soon... and you're in Concord, aren't you? We should get together on Fridays in the future and your kids can have a change of venue... come play in our playroom. You can have a reason and purpose to get dressed and get out of the house... and I can have someone to talk to and drink tea with. :-)))))))
Hang in there. After only 8 months, I feel like being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job anyone could do. People think it's easy, but it's not. You start to feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Don't let that happen, and try not to compare yourself to other moms...especially those on television. That stuff is edited. I think it's a good sign that your kids want you to play with them, but it's also OK to say "no" and let them play on their own at times. You're doing great.
Staying at home and being a Mom is the hardest job ever...However, even on the worst days remember your kids aren't being raised by someone else and you will never look back and say I wish I wasn't home with them. It's hard right now because you don't feel productive and like you're accomplishing anything but raising your kids is an ongoing process and you will see your success as they grow up. Sometimes making a short list of what you'd like to get done in a day helps as you can check it off. Hang in there because your career or job won't be the highlights and joy of your life - it will be Jake and Tyler. And before you know it you will be left alone to pee and you'll wonder where did that time go.
I think all Moms can really relate to this on some level. The thing is, I don't think the pressure is gone to do all those things when you work. It just intensifies. you still have to do it all, but with no time to do it. You have to fit it into 2 hours instead of 12. Everyone gets short-changed. It is so hard.
The playing thing is so weird. My kids all did it (and outgrew it). I don't really get it. I don't remember ever doing that as a kid. I played with kids - not adults. As a parent, I just really don't love playing. I try to steer my kids to things I do love instead and sometimes that helps but ultimately I'm a lame playmate.
that last comment was me. I have no idea what account that was, sorry!
Post a Comment